by Ashara Hood
When I was in high school, a hit hip-hop song penned by extraordinary lyricist Dana Owens—better known as Queen Latifah—topped the charts. U.N.I.T.Y. became an anthem, and as I write this, I can still hear the catchy chorus pulsing through my teenage heart. Back then, I had no clue about the weight the word “unity” truly carried.
Fast forward to adulthood, and if you’ve ever been part of a family—whether traditional or blended—you know unity doesn’t come easily. Stepfamilies, in particular, navigate unique challenges: various personalities, myriad of beliefs, mismatched parenting styles, emotional wounds, and shifting dynamics. Add kids into the mix, and maintaining peace can feel impossible. So, is there a foolproof recipe for cooperative coparenting that fosters harmony instead of hostility? Not exactly. But there is a blueprint for building familial harmony—a guide we can follow to navigate the complexities of blended family life: the Word of God.
The Biblical Blueprint for Cultivating Cooperative Coparenting
Hebrews 12:14 instructs us:
“Continually pursue peace with everyone, and the sanctification without which no one will [ever] see the Lord.” (AMP)
Paul implores us to do all we call to live at peace with everyone. That’s a command, not a suggestion. I won’t sugarcoat it—coparenting peacefully is not easy. After my first marriage ended, unity felt like a foreign language. My ex and I struggled to co-parent our son through the pain, blame, and constant conflicts. Looking back, I realize the person who suffered the most in our dysfunction was our son, Alex.
If we want to create a peaceful coparenting relationship, sometimes we have to be the ones to initiate change. I know, I know…I see you shaking your head and sighing
simultaneously as you read this. It may not feel fair, but as followers of Christ, we are called to be peacemakers. Wasn’t Jesus the ultimate example of extending grace, even when it wasn’t deserved?
So, how can we cultivate peace when coparenting feels more like a battlefield than a partnership?
1. Eliminate Offense: Take Authority Over Your Emotions
Your emotions are your responsibility. How many times have simple conversations about weekend drop-offs spiraled into arguments? If the other party attempts to push your buttons to elicit a negative response, it is up to you to take authority over those feelings and bring them under submission to the Word of God. Before reacting, take a deep breath and respond instead of reacting. Proverbs 18:19 warns us:
“A brother offended is harder to win over than a fortified city, and contentions [separating families] are like the bars of a castle.” (AMP)
Offense is a fortress that blocks unity. When unkind words fly, instead of taking the bait, go on the offense in the Spirit. Pray. Listen for the Holy Spirit’s guidance. Choose words that build up instead of tear down.
Solomon, who wrote much of Proverbs, knew a thing or two about family dysfunction. His father, King David, had his mother’s husband killed to cover up his impregnating a married woman. His older brother died as an infant. He grew up in a kingdom where siblings battled for the throne. If anyone understood the impact of family drama, it was Solomon. Yet, he still pointed to wisdom and peace. Focus on your child and do not engage in fruitless banter which will only escalate the situation.
2. Remember Who You Are: A Child of the Most High
When your ex (or their new spouse) throws low blows, refuse to be pulled into the chaos. Remember who you are.
✔ You are a child of God (John 1:12).✔ You are fearfully and wonderfully made (Psalm 139:14).✔ You are called to rise above (Luke 22:31).
The enemy wants to shake you—stirring up bitterness, unforgiveness, and strife. Don’t hand over the reins of your identity. Stand firm in Christ.
3. Protect Your Peace: Practical Steps for Coparenting Success
My husband and I have a motto: “Protect your peace.” I grew up in a home where dysfunction was the norm—alcoholism, arguments, and instability. For years, I thought peace was unnatural. Trauma was familiar. As a child, calm was unusual and unsettling because it usually preceded a shoe drop. Now, I know peace is priceless. It is imperative you learn to protect your peace for the mental and emotional wellbeing of your children and yourself.
To safeguard your peace while coparenting, consider these practical steps:
✅ Keep conversations child-focused. If it’s not about the kids, don’t engage. Redirect negativity with kindness.✅ Document everything. Not in a petty way, but for accountability. Written records prevent confusion and protect your child’s well-being.✅ Pray for the other parent. Jesus said, “Love your enemies, bless them that curse you” (Matthew 5:44). It’s tough, but necessary. Prayer softens hearts—yours and theirs. The more you pray for them the greater peace you will experience.
Final Thoughts: A Unified Blended Bond for God’s Glory
At the end of the day, you can’t force cooperation, but you can cultivate it. You can’t make your ex “get it together,” but you can choose to respond in ways that honor God. The Word of God provides the wisdom and strength to resiliently and resolutely build a unified bond that will bring Him glory.
Stay the course. With God, all things are possible (Mark 9:23). Even cooperative coparenting.
Ashara Hood is an author, editor, contributing blogger at Stepmom Sanity, and co-host of the Stepmom Sanity Podcast. She is a wife, mom, and bonus mom, who served as youth minister, and as part of the administrative staff at Woodside Bible Church in Pontiac, MI. Ashara currently serves as the Women's Ministry director at Total Restoration Ministries Global, where
her husband, Marvis Hood, Sr., is the senior pastor.
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